5 Ways to Sabotage A Mennonite Church Committee Meeting

Here are 5 ways to sabotage a Mennonite Church committee meeting.  If you are on a committee of any kind, you have thought about this… admit it!

1.  Bring your cute baby to the meeting.  If you don’t have a baby, find one and bring it.  Bringing two is even better.  Everyone loves babies more than anything in the world.  They especially love them more than committee meetings.  Your meeting will be transformed into an ogglefest.

2.  Bring an assortment of cultural Mennonite food.  I am “talkin” farmer sausage, perogies, and an endless amounts of pastry.  It is important however that you whip them out right when things start to get serious.  Everyone will stop listening and completely zone in on the food.  Someone will get up to find napkins, and others will likely get a pot of coffee going all resulting in meeting chaos.  Food is takes precedence over all in Mennonite culture.

3.  Display your pacifist ninja meeting skills and start an intentional, yet seemingly random “Mennonite Game.”  It works best when you combine classic ethnic Mennonite names together randomly like; Abe Rempel, Mary Dyck or Frank Enns.  You will find it is quite easy to interject them into any conversation.  People will go nuts trying to see if they are related to the imaginary Mennonites you made up.  Even now, if you are reading this and you are Mennonite by heritage you are scanning your family tree to see if you are related to any of these names… even though I just made them up. 

4.  If you are confident in your singing ability, at the moment of your choice start singing hymn #606.  If it is truly a Mennonite church, the committee members will be compelled to join you in song for fear of excommunication. 

5.  Say something a raging universalist would say.

What would you add to this list?