I certainly don’t mean to offend.
In no particular order. Just for the fun of it.
5. Sneak in some yerba mate to keep you on edge and ready to listen. The pesky usher’s probably won’t like it so you may want to sneak it in. Hide it under your shirt, or in your kid’s bag. If you like to live dangerously, try to sneak in some plumamous or Winkler farmer sausage or something. A little snack goes a long way.
4. Take a bathroom break before you sit in church. The last thing you want is to excuse yourself in the middle of the sermon. If need be, you can go during the worship songs. It would kinda be like going to the bathroom during the previews of a movie.
3. Every pastor needs a friendly face in the crowd. Smile and nod relentlessly when the speaker looks in your general direction. But don’t force the smile or nod too much, you don’t want to be the creepy person. If you become that person, you could see yourself escorted out by the ushers.
2. Laughing at cheesy pastor jokes will inspire your pastor. Be sure to laugh loudly so the pastor can hear you. Maybe even clap a little. The sermon, and most importantly, your pastor will be better for it.
1. Get involved in the sermon. Scream “AMEN” and “PRAISE JESUS” to get yourself and the pastor amped up. If you’re hardcore, you can even do it in Plattdeutsch (Low German).
Fellow Menno’s and friends of Menno’s… what would you like to add to this list?