My Top 10 “Bible Students Say” Statements

Recently a good friend of mine re-introduced me to the twitter account Bible_Students_Say (@BibleStdntsSay).  It is the twitter account of an anonymous Bible School professor who shares some of the more unique phrases she/he finds in various assignments throughout the year.

Instead of working on one of my writing projects yesterday, I found myself reading many of the tweets.  So I decided to share some of my favourites.

I share these with the full recognition that I am most certainly the author of many phrases such as these during my 4 years of undergraduate study in pastoral theology.  To those who have navigated the halls of Bible Schools everywhere!

Enjoy.

10.  “I’ve never been able to decide whether my position was that of aluminum, post-millennium or pre-millennium.”

9.  “I believe that when they took God out is when the enemy came into our schools.”

8.  “I think free will interferes with the ten commandments.”

7.  “In the days of Jerusalem the government would perform their many duties, and hold press conferences along the way” (Wait. What?)

6.  “When I read the bible I’m reading for understanding but w/ the understanding I may be at a point when I won’t understand” (Easy, Keanu)

5.  “God made us and he can take us out, that is one thing that I have learned from the Bible.”

4.  “Christianity was strongest during the Holy Roman Empire, why? They had an authoritative approach on controlling the message of the bible”

3.  “I look at the bible in my own interpretations & I can agree with that.”

2.  “God has zero tolerance for ignorant people when He is reaching out to people.”

1.  “After so many years of teaching evolution, Creationists still cant explain why men don’t change back into a monkey.”

If you have attended Bible School, can you remember any of your own personal gems?  I am too afraid to crack open a few of my first year essays! 

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10 comments

  1. Robert Martin · August 23, 2012

    Having just completed seminary, I cringe at much of the above. My profs weeded out such blatant stupidity early on in my career.

    That said, I, too, am fearful of revisiting my papers from undergrad. *shudder*

    • chris lenshyn · August 23, 2012

      *Shudder* indeed. I am seriously worried what I will see when I pull one out….

  2. david cl driedger · August 23, 2012

    I am in full support of #5.

  3. Kampen · August 23, 2012

    I have a word document in which I record memorable quotes from essays that I marked for my profs. Not exactly the same thing as this person is listing, but also quite priceless. Maybe I’ll post them sometime…

  4. Janna · August 30, 2012

    BAHAHA this is my favorite one:

    “During Jesus’ life, Paul was a physical follower of Jesus as a disciple and went with Jesus to different towns during his teachings.” (wow)

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